Survey Says....

This morning I thought about how I was painfully thrust back into my wedding planning process, and that we might play a guessing game in the style of Family Feud to make the memory fun for all of us.

Name 5 things you expect to see at a wedding ceremony:

1. Bride, check.

2. Groom, check. (I told you he loves beagles, didn't I?)

3. Rings, check.

4. Flowers, ch -?

[Sound of record needle scratching across the album for effect]

Oh, yeah. Flowers. 

See, we have a florist for personal and reception flowers. And we wanted to investigate whether our parish's altar society could source and decorate the church in a more *ahem* cost-effective manner for the ceremony. So my future-mother-in-law set up the meeting on that fateful Saturday morning.

And who better to extend a warm and friendly welcome to us than this?

No joke. He was not happy to see us. And with that, I can't even bear to know what awaits in the number 5 spot on the survey.

At least some'one' was there to greet us. Upon calling and finding our church contact was at a BBQ, we waited for the grower to come in from the fields to meet us. For our 10am appointment.  * SIGH *  Our flower idea was quickly costing me more in time and sanity that I cared to invest to get blooms done well at minimum cost.

AHA! I recalled a customer service lesson learned as an intelligence officer at the Pentagon:

Image via blog.jcaruso.com / Illustration by Joel Caruso

The philosophy succinctly captures the interaction of cost, quality, and speed. The challenge is that you can only have 2 aspects, not all 3. By applying this "Rule of 2" to wedding planning, I can decide what a task or project is worth. Here's how it works:

If it's GOOD and FAST, it can't be CHEAP.

If it's CHEAP and GOOD, you won't get it FAST.

If it's FAST and CHEAP, it won't be GOOD.

I wasn't getting anywhere close to 2 of these elements with the current approach to sourcing our ceremony flowers.  What a headache! So I did what any naturally introverted analytical would -- spend two hours scouring google images for floral inspiration.

Here's some of the loveliness I found:

Image via weddings.theknot.com / 

Bridal Bouquet: In Full Bloom Floral Studio / 

Photo by Patrick Grimes Photography

 Image via allegrophotography.com /

Floral by Nellie's Wild Flowers, Somerville, MA                                  

   

Image via flowersmcfarlandwi.com

Image via weddings.theknot.com /

Bridal Bouquet by Megan Fickling, La Partie Events/

Photography by Erin Hearts Court

Pretty, but not perfect. My tragic flaw is that my mind's eye has blurry vision. I have a fuzzy idea in my head like a Magic Eye 3-D picture. Remember those? You simultaneously squint and de-focus while holding it close to your face to make the image pop like a turkey thermometer.  In my world, I am unable to articulate what I want and can't figure it out without a lot of stress and strain. Sounds fun, huh? Unfortunately for those who love me, this trait is maddening to experience until I finally 'get' it. Like this:

Image via www.flixter.com

Do you see what I see? Welcome to my world!

Can you relate to my struggle or are you able to easily translate your ideas into reality?! Bonus points if you can tell me what 'pops' out of the 3-D image...

Spreading the Love

Post-proposal, we headed back home to start our normal Friday - except now we were ENGAGED! Yay!

Remember my man-gagement present? Well, so much time had elapsed since we bought it and in the flurry of excitement in proposing, Mr. HotTea forgot that he could now wear his watch. Double yay!

* personal photo *

Notifying the parental units was the very next order of business. I'm originally from Ohio, and my parents still live there. Because of the distance, Mr. HT placed a call earlier in the week to ask them for their blessing. Such a gentleman! As Mr. HT tells the story, Papa Teacup questioned "are you sure?" and then said "good luck with that." What a joker.

As I mentioned before, I've had a prior engagement (or two). My parents knew of Mr. HT's upcoming proposal and instead of the expected phone call, I decided to send flowers to announce our engagement in the hopes of pseudo-surprise.

Mama Teacup received the flowers and did what any proud mom would - she posted a photo on my Facebook wall for all the world to see.

* personal photo *

Oh crap! I saw it during a business lunch and could not call her fast enough. Delete! Delete! Delete! Mr. HT had not yet told his family, and we planned to host a dinner with them at our favorite local restaurant the next evening. That picture had to go, and STAT. I'm friends with Mr. HT's siblings and we didn't want to ruin the surprise. After a quick scramble, she figured out how to erase the evidence. Could Mama Teacup keep it a secret for another 24 hours?

Um, in a word - no. To her credit, she lasted almost 20 before she posted it on her own wall. Sneaky, sneaky mom. My extended family started peppering my FB with congratulations. Sadly, I deleted each one as it came in and sent the well-wisher an apology. The HT family dinner could not come soon enough.

Somehow Mr. HT and I managed to keep our engagement under wraps until that night. Mr. HT's brother came down from the Bay area and his sister and family traveled 3 hours to be there. His other BIL speculated that someone was either preggers or engaged. We maintained poker faces.

I don't know, doc!

Image via johnkstuff.blogspot.com / Credit Warner Bros. Cartoons

Finally after we had all eaten, Mr. HT made the announcement and my ring found it's rightful place back on my finger. Whew! I'm a terrible liar and felt relieved to reveal our little secret to the world.

Mama HT inspecting the goods

* personal photo *

Engagement watch and Mama HT tearing up - happy tears!

* personal photo *

It's officially official!

* personal photo *

We gave our families a little engagement drama and those stories bring back a flood of excited anticipation as we spread the love...

Image via www.instructables.com

How did you decide to share the news of your engagement with your families? Share your experience here, did you receive any unique or unexpected responses? Who was the most surprised?

A Question You Should Say Yes To

If you type "marriage proposal" into a google search, you'll get back more that 5.5 million hits. And if you are a girl that really wants to get hitched, waiting tests even the strongest willpower.

I am embarrassed to admit it, but I was that girl. Starting to feel more than a little impatient, did I just need to go ahead with it myself already?!

Image via bisprad.blogspot.com / "The Proposal" movie poster

Okay, maybe that's crazy talk. But, c'mon. I picked out the ring already. Then again, we agreed it would happen by the end of the year and it was only. . . August. Ugh.

Image via icanhascheezburger.com

To this point, you must be thinking that our story seems fairly typical of an impending proposal. Except our marriage plans required us to factor in one very small complication - a major surgery that Mr. HotTea was facing, pun completely intended. You may have noticed in photos I've shared of Mr. HT that his face droops a bit on one side and his right eye is larger than his left.

post-surgery

* personal photo *

It took six years and as many doctors to diagnose Mr. HT with a very rare condition where a small benign tumor was growing in his auditory canal. It caused incremental paralysis on the right side of his face and the best treatment required a craniotomy and potential severing of his facial nerve.

Blue ink indicates the location of Mr. HT's tumor

* personal photo *

Thankfully the tumor wasn't life threatening and Mr. HT could wait a month or even a decade to go in for surgery. I preferred to delay until after our wedding to be "wife" instead of "girlfriend." These thoughts came over as residual from my military days where a non-spouse held no validity as a partner. I also felt I could provide continual care as his wife using the Family Medical Leave Act if necessary.

The more he thought about it, Mr. HT wanted that sucker out of his head sooner rather than later. I felt torn. What if . . . What if . . . What if?

I decided that his health and want to take care of it trumped planning a wedding, so I declared a moratorium on marriage talk until after the surgery. The whole ordeal stressed me out and I couldn't process both life events simultaneously.

I'm very lucky that Mr. HT disagreed with my plan. He had the ring for a month already and was trying to decide how best to propose. Let's cue some music to set the stage:

Video via youtube.com / Artist Rhett Miller

Someday somebody's gonna ask you
A question that you should say yes to
Once in your life
Maybe tonight
I've got a question for you

It was early on a Friday morning. Feeling melancholy, I woke Mr. HT to tell him that I loved him and wanted to marry him more than any other want in the world. I would wait as long as it took to get through the surgery and back to our normal, and I wanted him to be my husband and father to our children regardless of this health hiccup to our plans.

Not knowing that he had the ring all this time, he suggested we go for a walk on the beach. "Now?!" I said, surprised. Mr. HT rarely went for an early morning walk with me. We got dressed in sweats and ventured the short walk to our local beach. I didn't register it at the time, but he chose to wear the same clothes as our first date beach walk.

It was foggy and quiet at 7am on that fall morning. No one was around except for a flock of seagulls. We walked silently hand in hand for about half a mile when Mr. HT gently held me in a hug and positioned me to face the ocean.

Then he got down on one knee. What?! Is this really happening? Right now?! After all this time waiting for and anticipating this very moment, oh crap. Am I ready for this?

With tears in his eyes, he told me how much he loved me. That he wasn't perfect and he had his flaws, and still he wanted to know if I would spend the rest of my life with him.

I started laughing and crying at the same time - happy tears! My eyes flutter when I'm nervous and Mr. HT thought I was going to pass out. He asked me if I was okay. I nodded and said yes! If I could write it in the sky I would - YES!

Image via www.zawaj.com

We didn't have a camera with us that morning to capture a photo. But the proposal is burned into my memory and perhaps that's where it's best kept for me.

I'll still have to tell you how we shared the news with our families and celebrated together that night at a fancy schmancy restaurant. For now, here's a photo of me and my pretty ring near the spot where Mr. HT proposed.

* personal photo *

And now I'd like to know in what ways was your engagement similar or different to ours. Did you have a long waiting period? When your beloved proposed, was it just the two of you? Or did it include family, friends, or maybe a more public display of affection?

Could it be now? A Man-gagement Proposal

A few weeks after choosing my e-ring [backstory here], Mr. Hot Tea and I vacationed in Cabo. My bestie speculated that a proposal might be in the works, but I knew it was probably too soon.

Nevertheless, we had the best vacation ever! Surfing, sunning, and relaxing were the only activities on the agenda...

Land's End at El Arco

Reading my Kindle at Zippers beach

and I get to practice my surf photography!

yet there's still plenty of time to 'get wet'

Mission accomplished. I'll admit only ONE mistake than thankfully ended happily. Suckered into a timeshare presentation, we spent precious surfing time at non-existent hotel property so we could get the freebies - a jet ski excursion, glass bottom boat ride...you know the drill.

Seriously, hard hats required!

This was the first and only time I think Mr. HT wanted to shake sense into my head, haha! Four hours later we cried "never again!" and with vouchers in hand made haste to the nearest beach.

One coupon claimed $100 credit at Diamonds International jewelry store. If you're a skeptic like me, you'll appreciate the need to adventure in to see what you can buy for a benjamin. And just as I suspected, there was nothing. But....

As luck would have it, Mr. HT fell in LOVE with a watch in the case. I lapped all the displays twice as he OOHHed and AAHHed over this timepiece. It had all the features he wanted and was unlike any in his collection. He couldn't take it off and wouldn't stop gazing at its beauty. Alas, he sighed that he couldn't buy it because he was saving for my ring.

Image via perpetualanticipation.blogspot.com

Aha! Are you thinking what I'm thinking? Exactly. I offered to buy the watch for Mr. HT with the condition that he could wear it once we were properly engaged. If I get to wear a sparkly ring, what's to say that Mr. HT can't sport an engagement watch?! In fact, the more I thought about it, it only seemed fair that he should have some bling to show off as well. Plus, the devil on my shoulder couldn't help but think it could be incentive. A little bribery never hurt, right?

Apparently and unbeknownst to me, man-gagement presents are all the rage. There's a post from Mrs. Nachos about the man-gagement watch she gifted her DH here. And, Mrs. Hot Cocoa raises the bar with a man-gagement ring. Very cool.

So we left Cabo with sun-kissed skin, lots of rest, and a gorgeous watch that Mr. HT would have to wait four months to wear. Which really only meant that I had to continue to wait (sometimes not so patiently) for my Tiffany treasure.

Doesn't he look happy and handsome?

What do you think about gifting your beloved to commemorate the engagement? What did or would you choose to present?

When All I Want Is You, Our Ring Story

Image via forum.atu2.com

Do you recognize this guy? It's Bono, lead singer of Mr. Hot Tea's all-time favorite band, U2. Appropriate for the topic at hand, I think. Click Watch on YouTube to cue the mood music…

“You say you want diamonds and a ring of gold

You say you want your story to remain untold

But all the promises we made

From the cradle to the grave

When all I want is you.”

Lyrics via www.sing365.com

I’m sure you can relate to your own experience when I say I’ll never forget the day Mr. HT proposed. To give you the full story, we must rewind time back five months before he was on bended knee. 

We had been living together in blissful harmony for several months and knew before we moved in that we were headed toward marriage.

Snuggle bunnies!

Image via wallpaper.imcphoto.net

It was our dating 18 month-a-versary and Mr. HT asked me if I was happy. I looked at him with googly eyes and said yes, of course! Then he asked me if I was really happy. Again I said yes. Finally, Mr. HT nonchalantly mentioned that he knew what would make me happier, and stroking my left finger said “a ring.”

Girls, when a man tells you it's time to find your ring, you don’t ask questions – you just go! I immediately made a date with my bestie to start the search in Stanford.

I’ve been engaged before. Twice. I’ve been down this road once with a family heirloom and again with complete surprise. Needless to say, I picked neither the rings nor the men in the end.

This time I did what I’ve always wanted and headed straight for the place that starts with “T” and ends “& Co.” Oh yes, I’ve fallen completely for their marketing ploy – in my world this is where bridal dreams come true. Damn you, Audrey Hepburn!

Image via www.greatmodernpictures.com / Photographer unknown

Now I already know what you're thinking. It's just a name, you can get the same quality and more ring at a more affordable price point without the name. I know, I know. But c'mon. I can't resist that little blue box with the satin ribbon.

Image via site.advantagebridal.com

I tried on all the styles, and the classic Tiffany setting like the one pictured above chose me as 'the one.' Now if only I could figure out how to break the price news to Mr. HT. We didn't discuss budget before I rushed out the door. Seriously, we could by a car for the same money. Sheesh.

Image via local.jdpower.com

No bueno. Unless maybe I waited five years to get engaged...did I mention I was 33 years old at the time? My clock's ticking, I wanted to be engaged so badly, and yet here I was talking about postponing to get this ring?!

My bestie would not allow such crazy talk and offered to go see her jeweler for something similar. I had other plans and went to the Tiffany's closer to home in Carmel. How could I explain my situation delicately? I told my sweet consultant/gemologist Sarah that I reeeeeallllly wanted to be a Tiffany girl but could not ask Mr. HT for the car version and wondered if she could get me in the club with a ring more along the lines of a scooter. Vespas are cute, right?

Image via www.stirlingobserver.co.uk

Sarah's cautious optimism turned up success! My ideal ring and the only one in all of Tiffany's worldwide inventory was in THAT STORE! SCORE! Even Sarah was surprised to find it, so I knew serendipity was at work.

The next day Mr. HT humored me and met me during our lunch hour to see the ring. He agreed it was the one and even tried on some wedding bands. Oh, crap! We were really doing this! 

We talked about it and agreed that we would be engaged before the end of the year. I found my dream ring and now the real waiting would begin! 

Image via www.melissamcclone.com

Believe me when I tell you that even though I showed Mr. HT exactly what I wanted, the ring and proposal would be a complete surprise!

How do you feel about choosing the ring for yourself pre-proposal? Did you two go that route or was it a decision your beloved made on their own?